Most days I think I’m a good person. Not like Malala/Marie Curie/Rosa Parks good. I mean more like I always vote, follow the law, tell the truth, try to think of others, helped as many kids and families as I could kind of good. I’ve always been a responsible and respectful citizen, keenly aware of the suffering of my fellow humans and my compassion toward them is strong. And years of being a psychiatrist has taught me how to suspend judgement of others. But I have to tell you this pandemic is testing me.
Yesterday I watched videos of folks strolling about my city like it was any old day of the week. Groups of six or eight people walking shoulder to shoulder, laughing, sipping coffee, blissful and oblivious. Maybe they’re just ignorant, I thought. Perhaps they hadn’t heard of the global scourge. But we all know that dog don’t hunt. It’s enough to make anyone slip into judge and jury mode. Neil and I are doing our best to think charitable, positive thoughts at all times, but it’s an uphill slog at times.
Speaking of Neil, it must be said that he too can be counted as a model citizen. His hands are now rubbed raw from washing, he leaves the house only when absolutely necessary, and his distancing is world class. The other day American writer Laura Lippman tweeted, “I see a lot of men are as confused about six feet as they are about six inches.” Not my Rusty. He knows exactly what six feet looks like: the length of his wife. He’s taken to saying everyone needs to stand at least one Bobbi apart. He finds this hilarious, I do not.
What I did find hilarious was his solution to avoiding a barber visit. Note to all: letting your hair do its own thing is not nearly as bad as being ventilated and dying alone surrounded by strangers in Hazmat gear. Don’t even think about getting your hair done now.
Anyhoo, I was sitting at my desk hard at work on my novel (almost finished, I swear) when I heard a buzzing sound coming from upstairs. The buzzing stopped and I heard Mister yell out, “Oh my Jesus. I think I’ve made a huge mistake.”
A little background. Neil and I were both long overdue for haircuts. I’d been waiting out flu season and he was just plain lazy about it. He wasn’t as far gone as I’ve seen in the past (see Exhibit A below) but his signature hair was wild enough to be driving him right round the pipe.
I found him in the bathroom, electric clippers in hand, a pile of orange fluff at his feet. His head was a mish-mash of bald patches and stubble, round humps and tufts and tendrils poking off every which way. He looked like a lunatic. If I hadn’t been in danger of wetting myself from laughing so hard I might’ve thought to grab my phone for a photo.
His only choice was to press on and he finally got the hang of it. Now he looks like a relatively stable individual albeit an individual who guards the dressing room door at The Pussy Palace just off of Highway 13.
I think he’s on to something. I’d say I’m two maybe three weeks away from taking the clippers to my own head. In the meantime if you’re looking for some smile-inducing advice on how to deal with your locks while on lockdown I’ve got good news. All you need to know to tame the tresses can be found right here.
This is even funnier read out loud. I read it to C. He’s been doing his own with clippers for years & appreciated it.
See….. made me smile. Thanks!
In pandemic times we could drop off pre payment of a few hair cuts to those who trim our tresses and who are going through tough times now.
Absolutely! If you can spare it, paying your stylist what you would have spent anyway is an excellent kindness.
What a hoot. I have to confes to the opposit problem; Chris is not allowed to shave any more as his ability to clot (not be be a clot, though that also is a rare occurance) is practically at zero as a side effect of his chemotherapy. So I am now married to a cross between an ancient philosopher and Santa Claus. It was a bit prickly going near him, but that problem is also solved as I am now quarantined and the closest we get to each other is across a void with my having deposited my plate and cup on a rug and his being suitably gloved and about to retrieve it – treating it much like something highly radioactive from Chernobyl. I seem to be on the mend and may be elligeable to escape to work next week if todays swab proves negative and this was some other dastardly virus.
Hilarious! I needed a good laugh this morning. I don’t usually interrupt Phil from his reading but for this one I did.
Great to have you back, Bobbi. We need the laughs you just gave us. Sorry, Rusty.
I cried I was laughing so hard, thanks Bobbi we missed you. I was delighted when I got your first message, two in one week is celebration time.
I’ve been trying the non judgemental route as well but as you say it can be tough. Living in NL and having the impression that Mother Nature hates you right now is not helping.
Love it
Nice to see you back and your humour is still in tact. Looking forward to your next book.
Thanks Bobbi. I needed a good laugh. I’ve looked at my scissors of late wondering if I could just trim my wings a bit. But I’m resisting. Maybe in a few weeks I’ll go all “Neil”. Take care.
Dearest Bobbi,
Thank goodness you are back. I don’t know you so cannot say ‘I love you” but I certainly love your blog. A sister just reported she trimmed her husbands hair, at his request. My advice was not to return the favour. Neil must be the best sport ever. I missed my last hair cut appointment Mar 11, and now am on track to have braids – could be a vintage look for a senior! So glad you are back and bringing cheer, stay well.
I’m about to do the same
Claude!!! How I miss you! Everyone, this is my beautiful, ridiculously talented hairstylist, the sweetheart of a man who gave me my very first silver scarecut. I hope we meet again very soon…
I’m still here! I’ve been checking you about once or twice a year and so glad to see you back, even though the reason is horrible. My husband and I are also in the worst category if we catch this 🦠so we went into self-isolation at the beginning of March. So far so good, as long as the local wine store’s supplies hold out and they keep delivering. I absolutely agree with your last post – it’s awful to see this mounting and to know that we’re not through the worst of it yet. And nothing to do but sit tight while the idiots shuffle around infecting each other. I’m glad I live in Ohio, although the governor of Florida made sure we’re all in trouble by allowing Spring Break, apparently so the kids could all disperse across the country carrying a dose. 😖 But we are truly privileged – we’re retired, we have water, food and a roof over our heads. This will pass.
P.S. LOVE the hair video! I sent it out to friends!
Your just as bad as your mom can’t wsit to see your new hairdo