And so the Olympics have finally come to a close. Those were the longest two months of my life, although I have to admit being completely impressed by Team Canada, especially our women representatives. The marriage remains relatively intact, a feat deserving of a gold medal (me, not him). If I’d had the budget I would’ve had my own closing ceremony, fireworks in the living room and everything, just to celebrate the removal of that red-headed lump from the couch. Ironically, as he rises like Lazarus and returns to his regularly scheduled baking, I’m off on a multi-city work trip that’s jam-packed from start to finish.

Speaking of work, my co-workers often refer to me as Big Buzzard, and this Feathers on Fire Tour is unplugged, sans laptop. I know, I know, why would anyone attempt something so dangerous? Well, I am proud to say that I am a devoted, hardworking, excessively compliant employee, so naturally I won’t spend a moment writing goofy posts or Googling luxury Italian villas or watching flamenco dancing videos on the company’s time and dime. I make special note of this on the off chance that my boss is reading or plans to have me under surveillance. The surgeon will be here momentarily to separate the great machine from my upper thighs. I’m hoping for a painless extraction and minimal withdrawal. If anyone happens to spot me wild eyed and sweaty in an Apple store this week feel free to stage an aggressive intervention.

My rambling point is that there will be a short blog break. I’m confident that all 14 of you who hang out here on a regular basis will be able to find novel ways to entertain yourselves in my absence. I’ll start you off with this bucket list of travel destinations. All you have to do is decide which one you’d hit first after your lottery numbers come up. To those of you who are independently wealthy: decide which one you need me to scope out for your next moneybags festival. I can vouch for the stunningly charming #3, and when you hit #13 you’ll see where my fancy pants globetrotter husband completed his high school education at The School of Hard Knocks. Until we meet again…