Yesterday a woman in Paris called to grant me permission to use photos of her exquisite mansion in my blook. Of course I didn’t actually speak to her. Neil did as he continues to be my conversational surrogate. Poor man. She expressed her delight to be included and professed her admiration for the quality of the pictures. And she promised to have us over when she returns to Semur. I can’t believe that I’m going to get inside that palace she calls her second home.
My point is that I am down to two outstanding photo permissions which means the blook is almost done. When I say done I mean ready for an actual professional editor to help transform it into something safe for public consumption. Which brings me to my other point, the word public. Okay, I know I have this blog that anyone in the world can see but we’re all friends here. A small group of lovely folks who share the comfort provided by the relative anonymity of cyberspace.
Now, as I move closer to having my life splayed out for anyone to read and the inevitable begging people to do so, my panic is beginning to take shape. It’s not about the impending barrage of negative assessments. Not at all. The issue is putting myself out there. There’s the chapter that details my spine of glass dramas and the one where my beloved jiggles my muffin top. I don’t even want to think about the vaginale chapter.
The thing is every word of my blook is 100% true. No embellishment, no fictionalization, just everything exactly as it happened. I think about all the people I’ve worked with before, the parents and kids who saw me as a highly educated health professional, former colleagues, people who hated me in high school. The blook is being released in my hometown and I feel like I’ll be walking into a school dance with the hem of my skirt tucked into the back of my pantyhose … Hang on for a minute, I have to go find a paper bag to breathe into …
Okay, I’m back. My heart rate has come down a little and the dry heaves seem to have stopped. I suppose I can console myself with the knowledge that likely the only people who’ll actually buy the blook are ye crowd. And while that’s bad news for my finances think of the money I’ll save on consulting a therapist to talk me down every time someone I know cracks the cover.
Oh, boy, do I hear you. I spent a lot of my youth wishing for fame. Now it’s the last thing in the world I covet. In fact, it may very well stop me from ever querying my work.
The good news is that you’re well versed in boundaries. You can breathe easy. You’re totally suited for the road ahead.
Ha! I don’t think fame will be an issue!
Two outstanding photo permissions?
What…Neil won’t let you use the
maniac shot?
If things get crazy, I’ll happily
volunteer for the role of whisking
you through crazed crowds, covering
your face with your huge Louis Vuitton
bag, while the paparazzi try to steal
shots of you….
Okay not helping.
Ahhhhh. At the risk of sounding as if I am tinting my nez a shade of cocoa….Bobs, you and Rusty (if I may refer in such a familiar way to people whom I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting) were created for this! Photogenic, cool, articulate, excellent at writing and such a good looking couple…this ought not cause a drop of perspiration for you! Un-tuck the skirt and throw away the paper bag….the blook will be great! Can’t wait. And it will more than just us crowd, you’ll see.
Rusty is cool. I am less so. Maybe at the last minute I’ll slip his name as the author.
Bobbi:
It will be great if the world reads it. You have to be sure of that before you publish. Lisa’s first book sold about one 100 copies. Her second one, which had a very detailed story about moi, which I pre-approved, went on the best seller list, causing one judge who did not come off looking very good to ask (in open court) “I trust your sister is the only writer in the family?”
Oh my god, see that’s what I’m talking about. Of course Lisa is a world class writer so she can get away with a lot I’d say.
Ok Bobbi, I have a question for you. What would Dr. Bobbi say to her patient exhibiting the anxiety you are currently feeling. Come on now, physician heal thyself!
I (my non-clincial self that has had bouts of anxiety)would say to you, “Are you kidding me???” You have wowed us all with your amazing talent as a writer since your very first blog. Folks from your home town will just want to be able to say “I knew her in school” and be proud. (as we all are)
Me – I just have a simple request – When you appear on the Ellen show, you take me with you!
Oh and sending you hugs!
I would admit myself and run an IV of lorazepam. I’m way beyond the talk cure! Thanks Judy, you crack me up.
Hey – I am serious about Ellen…….lol
And then you will have to come to LA cause, Ellen is in LA.. now you can stay with me, or in some swank spot they put u up in….
You guys are hilarious!
Hang in there, Bobbi! We believe in you!
And don’t underestimate word-of-mouth marketing — I’m sure those of us who follow your blog will be talking up your blook to everyone we meet.
Okay but not to that girl who spit in my face in Grade 9.
Bobbi: Relax – this is no different than the night before a big exam – eat lots of junk, watch a movie and then come up with another “A”. No need to even pretend that you were studying. As for the girl in Grade 9 – bet she is still in Grade 9.
I never thought of junk food. Bonne idée! Grade 9 girl, if you’re out there, I forgive you. Now go learn your times tables.
I’m guessing that people who liked you will love you. People who loved you will love you more. People who didn’t care for you, will never admit it.
This kind of literary progress is inspirational to a gal like me.
Comments like this are inspirational to a gal like me.
You are incredible; my day starts off just that bit brighter when I see a post in your blog. I agree with Lisahgolden – people who love you will love you more and people who don’t care for you ..meh!!
Well thank you Madame!
Ah, the angst. What we would be and gonna be authors put ourselves through. As everyone has said, your style will be great. However, you might want to check out the episodes of Private Practice where Violet releases her tell all book. Just a thought, nothing alarming, of course.
Private Practice, what’s that? Please don’t tell it’s about psychiatrists writing about their private lives.
Yep it is.
I’ll google that
Love that SHOW, and thought of you every time!
I think you’re underestimating your lovability. I defy anyone to read your stories and be anything less than smitten.
Oh I’m lovable just from afar! Thanks Averil.
You’re leagues ahead of me just because you use your real name and blog about your real life … all I do is comment on a few blogs and I have to have a fake name LOL … I truly empathize; my privacy means a lot to me. All I can offer you is the advice to be sure before you do it – you can’t unring the bell, as they say. However, the fact that you DO use your real name here and DO blog about your real life would say to me that you are okay with putting yourself out there, you’re just having the equivalent of pre-wedding jitters :) And I am fully in agreement with lisahgolden’s assessment above.
Fake name, never thought of that…
Are you kidding me? Get yourself out there–with confidence! Your blog circle is just a small sampling of the people who will love what you have to say! And all those old high school classmates will be wishing they could have a do-over.
I am an honest-to-goodnes impartial observer. We have never met (that I can recall, although I, too remember Club Max fondly), and I must tell you, I find your writing very engaging. I found your blog after The Telegram did that story on you last year, gave it a read, and just keep coming back for more! I have no doubt that the blook will be equally compelling!
Ah Club Max, those were the days.
Yes, but do you think about us who knew you from “Busy Bee” daycare in your hometown? I, read Mom, still has the incriminating pictures of past birthday parties of us there. Mom is the one who keeps sending me the links to your blog and reminisces with your Mom when she bumps into her at Walmart. Some of the pics could make an attractive author picture for the book…just saying. :)
Jaysus god alive
Gosh you’ve been so busy! Glad it’s coming to a close and I totally hear you about the high school dance. I think you will get to a point where you don’t give a stuff what anyone thinks, you’ll be so proud of yourself for finishing and you will believe in yourself to your back teeth! Xcat
Awww, hun, don’t worry about it. Everything will be great. Seriously, you’re a wonderful writer and I’m sure the personal things you’re mentioning about are going to be written in a wonderful, entertaining but touching way. :)