I get emails all the time with ‘funny’ lists and I often scratch my head as to why everybody in the world thinks they are worth expending the effort it takes to hit send. But this list has come to me a few times now and it always makes me smile. Maybe you’ve all seen it but tough beans. I’m lazy and my life is too boring to create anything remotely original today.
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Google maps really need to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
8. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
12. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
13. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
14. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
15. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
16. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
17. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
18. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
19. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push a tiny snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
20. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
All I have to add is this: No matter how many slick moves you pull, the person always knows that you can’t remember their name. Okay gimme your best shot. What’s your truth today?
ps I’m taking a blogcation next week and I’ll be back on Monday the 14th. Stop looking at me that way. You have the whole worldwide interweb thing to keep you entertained. Have a great week!