Wreck-O-Drama is more like it. Monsieur La Banque spoke and said Non. The bank refused to finance our project as we requested because they thought it was too much of a risk. They sent out an independent evaluator from Dijon to look at the Wreck who promptly replied ‘zey are crazy zee Canadians, tell zem to kiss my derrière’.
Now, the realtor, the management company and my neighbour (who’s been in Semur for over 30 years) all said they had never seen this kind of evaluation done in France. Of course not, this is the Bobbi effect. I move to France and all kinds of magnifique comes out of the woodwork, the coldest December for France in 40 years, the least amount of sunshine in 20 odd years and now novel methods of real estate obstruction. Merde.
But before you think it’s all gloomy, another episode of woman whining and writing woefully, there is a very sparkly silver lining here. After the slap from Monsieur La Banque we went back to our plans for the reno and discovered they were off everywhere by about 2-3 feet (long story). Had we gone ahead we would’ve had a huge problem on our hands.
So here’s the deal. The deal is dead, for now. We spent the holidays, day and night, reworking the design. The challenge here is for me, giant North American, to live and work in 900 square feet with a husband without facilitating a homicide or a suicide. I think we finally have a plan that preserves life so now we have to start all over.
We have yet to meet with the other bank as the weather on Christmas Eve made country back road travel a death wish. After that we have to get all new quotes from the artisans which will take weeks and weeks. All this assuming that the Wreck will still be available and that the lady from Paris will be willing to deal with us again. Double merde.
The good thing about France is that you can’t throw a rock without hitting a wreck. This week we are hitting the banks, looking at more wrecks, continuing the quest for the original Wreck as well as trying to figure out where the hell we’ll live in May if we don’t have a house by then.
Ah yes, the simple life. The quiet laid back pace that I have been seeking. Freedom from complications of the rat race. As I’ve said before it’s a sickness. Real Estateitis, Renovationosis, Wreckemia more commonly known as same merde, different country.
Are you sure you’re not being secretly filmed for some French reality show? :)
Ooh hadn’t thought of that. Maybe one day someone will ask me to turn around and smile into the candid camera and then give me a house!
XO
B
Put the kettle on Bobbi.
I’m crossing fingers for 1) the other bank or 2) finding a better wreck, more rama, less drama.
It’s a conspiracy. The weather, the wreck-o-rama, the white-gloved slap across the cheek, all of it.
But you are BOBBI, intrepid Canadian explorer! You are not one to be trifled with. You will find another wreck, a wreck with eighty percent more rama, a palace amid the rubble. Go forth and plant your leafy flag right up Monsieur la Banque’s arse. (Apologetically, of course. I know how you Canadians are.)
So funny you…
XO
B
It’s my convoluted way of saying, I know how you feel. Dreams are rarely easy to follow. But this, I think, is right for you, so hang in there and keep the faith.
I’m crossing fingers for you too.
I’ve lived abroad for 10 years and I always had loads of people tell me what a glamorous life I led….but little do they realize….you still have problems to deal with abroad…and the end of the day you still have dishes and the trash to take out too. :)
Maybe sometime you’ll post on why the plans were off by a yard? That sounds interesting!
fingers crossed. maybe a better wreck will be found. and by better wreck i mean less of a wreck. maybe a better bank will be found.
Same Merde, Different Country
that’s the chapter i would read first for sure.
hang in there, it’s best your house is a wreck than your body. i think. (i don’t know for sure, i’m just trying to stay positive.)
You have my deepest sympathies. I too am having a bit of real estate trouble at the moment.
That being said, bravo on your post! Truly humorous. I thoroughly enjoyed the French picture you painted.
Good luck with your sanity and close quarters!
– Lauren
Ladaisi Blog
I’m looking through my handy little The Complete Merde trying to find the right phrase for your predicament. I know the word Putain should be involved, but I can’t find the proper usage.
But how’s this lovely little Frenchism?
J’espere que vous mettez du beurre sure les epinards bientot.
Literally it’s about putting butter on your beans, but it means I hope your financial situation becomes more comfortable soon.
Mmmm, butter, beans…merci bien
B
Oh my word. I really hope it wasn’t our bank that did this to you, or I will be very embarrassed. But years from now I’m sure that, from the patio table of your formerly-a-wreck-now-a-masterpiece-that-you-really-ARE-staying-in-for-a-long-time, you will tell the whole story between bites of croissant and this will be but a blip that turned out happily.